Have You Irritated a MAGAt Today?
A brief glimpse into the beliefs that seriously piss their ilk off.
I pissed off a MAGAt yesterday.
I couldn’t be more delighted.
Shame on me, I know, but I can’t help feeling a bit giddy when something I’ve said or done or displayed triggers a thin-skinned, red-blooded, probably red-necked, intolerant, likely racist and, at the very least, foolish right-wing snowflake.
Yesterday I’m on the way to pick up my wife from work, stopped at a red. Great big pickup pulls up behind me, pauses, then steers into the left lane next to me on the one-way. Having another driver wait until they’re right on your back bumper before deciding to move to the other lane is not unheard-of but remains slightly unusual, so it draws my attention. I glance left as the front of the pickup rolls into my view.
The MAGAt (Make America Great Again adherent) is leaning forward, trying to catch my eye. Lays on his horn. Once he’s sure I’m looking, he starts motioning up and down with the thumb of his right hand pointed downward, over and over again, shaking his head violently from side-to-side as he does so. My eyebrows dip into a confused frown, because he quickly points to the back of my minivan, then re-engages his head-hand gyrations.
Aha! It hits me! He’s showing me his dissatisfaction with the bumper stickers on my back window.
My immediate inclination is to fly the fellow the bird. My left hand is on the wheel so my right starts swinging up and toward the window, middle finger extending upward. Then – before my F-You finger clears the top of the door – stops short.
As regular readers will recall, I’ve been practicing “Pray for Pause” lately. I’m not the least bit religious – an atheist, in fact – but pausing before reacting has improved my life recently, and (I hope) the lives of the people around me.
The single-finger salute falters. I raise, instead, a two-fingered, v-shaped peace sign to the window and burst out laughing.
Waste Pipes & Present Danger
I remember one time, when I was maybe 6 or 7, my older sister was really angry with me. I don’t recall what about, but I’m sure she was justified; I was just that kind of mouthy, pot-stirring, smart-ass kid. We were face to face in the basement bathroom/utility room of our house, and I was standing right next to a 5’-diameter, floor-to-ceiling (probably lead) pipe. She was shouting at me and, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I often used to start giggling when under duress. If she was pissed to start with, that REALLY busted her chops. Out of nowhere she smacked me upside the head, which then smacked up against the pipe on the other side, rebounded....
Somehow, despite the beating, I realized my giggling was exacerbating her wrath and lack of self-control, so I did what any self-respecting little brother would do – I elevated the giggle to an outright laugh. She smacked me again, my head rebounded quickly again and she dealt me another, back and forth a few times. It hurt like hell, I’m sure, but I don’t remember that. What I do remember is realizing, if not at that moment then later, that I had her. She was mine. Sure, I was taking the beating, but in those few seconds I owned her ass by owning her emotions.
A poor trade-off, you say? That’s one point of view. Another is that I had gained a new tool in my kid-brother annoyance kit, a new way to set her off when I wanted to. And the next time I’d make sure my parents were around to nail her for it.
That memory flashed through my head in an instant as I sat there, laughing away and flashing my peace sign at the MAGAt, followed by an instantaneous thought of a fabulous exchange from Clear & Present Danger. In the movie, Harrison Ford (playing Jack Ryan) advises the POTUS on how to handle questions regarding his relationship with a guy who is under suspicion for illegal or at least untoward activity.
“If a reporter asked if you and Hardin are friends, I’d say, ‘No. We’re good friends,’” Ryan advises the president. “If they asked if you were good friends I’d say, ‘No, no. We’re lifelong friends.’ I would give them no place to go. Nothing to report. No story. No sense diffusing a bomb after it’s already... already gone off.”
As for my new MAGAt friend, his bomb is clearly already going off.
And I've got him.
He has no place to go with his rage.
What’s he gonna do? Get even madder because someone is offering him a sign of peace and a smile?
Honestly, with Trump worshippers there’s no telling, but one thing’s certain – at minimum, my outward reaction was going to force him to fib later when he told the story to his red-hatted buddies about our encounter, if he didn’t want to look like a rube, that is. Not that most MAGAts seem bothered by coming off that way, but still.
Instead, he makes a weak attempt at mimicking my laughter, then turns his head and looks the other way.
I own his ass.
And he knows it.
It's scrumptious.
Who’s To Say, The Trigger?
Let’s take a quick look at what might have been vexing Buddy MAGAt.
One of my bumper stickers is a graphic of a uterus with the caption, “GET YOUR OWN / THEN TELL IT WHAT TO DO”.
So, this guy opposes bodily autonomy for women. Or just plain hates women, period.
Another says, “RESIST HATE”.
He’s a literal hate-monger, then?
A third promotes the nonprofit I started, Knights of the Climate Covenant.
He must be against ensuring a livable planet for future generations.
A Palestinian flag conveys my support for Palestinians who, as I write, are being eradicated in the most violent ways by Israeli soldiers in The Gaza Strip.
A pro-genocide MAGAt, then.
If not, there’s a high likelihood my “I STAND WITH AOC” sticker did the trick.
These guys despise strong, intelligent and outspoken women above all else. Of course Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York would get under their skin. I imagine them using the term “uppity” in her case, and worse to talk about women in general. Actually, I don’t have to imagine; I’ve heard men say those words or the like out loud way too many times.
A Progress Pride Flag communicates my support of LGBTQ+ and BIPOC people, including immigrants, and their rights.
Well, yeah.... It’s a pretty safe bet this MAGAt, like the vast majority of the others, bears hatred for anyone who isn’t white, male and mad about equity or equality for anyone who looks, believes or identifies differently than them.
It’s also possible he’s triggered by my Dudeist fish, two of which some other MAGAt-leaning thought-policer scraped off previously. The non-Jesus fish are essentially a humorous knock against organized religions that, in my opinion, seek to control, fleece and oppress people.
Two words – Spanish. Inquisition.
Two more – Forced. Births.
If it wasn’t one of those stickers related to, you know, HUMANITY, then this is a MAGAt who really despises tattoos, donuts, record stores, state parks, high schools, my alma mater, Mac computers or Bose ear buds.
Who’s to say with these guys?
Peace & Degradation
I realize the fact that I laughed pointedly in the guy’s face, with the hope and intent of pissing him off even further, negates somewhat the pure intent of the peace sign. Rather than genuinely wishing the man peace, I was striving to generate greater exasperation.
I can live with that.
And, sure, I’m not displaying much tolerance myself, here.
And, yes, yes... I know, I know –
What this nation needs now is less divisiveness in favor of more honest and tolerant dialogue. Less arguing, more listening. Less middle finger, more middle ground.
That’s what the Sunday-morning armchair politicos are telling us, at least.
But you know what?
Screw that.
Some days I simply cannot play nice anymore.
Honestly, I’ve had it with these M-Fers. Make America Great Again? Gimme a fucking break. These people are about exclusion, hate and racism, not tolerance, inclusion or acceptance, and they sure as shit aren’t interested in building a better society.
I acknowledge that none of this shows me in a particularly positive light. “Guilty pleasure” defines the entire 25-second interaction.
But I’m not about to feel bad about that.
You want to be discriminating and buy a Dell instead of a Mac? Have at it. But when it comes to racism, sexism, gender discrimination, psychophobia, anti-ableism, book banning, climate-crisis denial, patriarchal oppression and so on, I draw a line in the sand.
Plus, to be fair, I unveil my peace sign for people I like and appreciate, too, so...
<shoulder shrug>
If I flash you a peace sign on the street, you’ve probably got it coming. One way or the other.
I’ll be the one driving the other way, laughing my ass off.
I must say I fully support the causes represented by all of your window stickers! All have a humane and positive message which of course no self-respecting MAGAt would understand. Your reaction to that meat head was spot on. 👌